Sunday, July 5, 2009

For the fastfood lovers

Delaware's the beef?

What's more American than fastfood? And you know who created the first fast food restaurant? Delaware. I have no evidence to back up this claim but how could we have not?! We are the first at EVERYTHING!


One old lady
One Wendy's hamburger

Cooking Instructions:

Have the old lady say "Where's the Beef?" Give her the hamburger. Celebrate that since you're from Delaware you are fundamentally better than everything else.

I bet if Delaware wasn't around we'd all be speaking Russian. Delaware also invented cold fusion. And chiaroscuro. And hyperboles. We invented everything first.


It's not delivery... its a:

Patriotic Pizza

Sometimes you don't want to cook and you want to order in, because let's be real capitalism is what makes this country great. You know that Delaware invented capitalism? Look that shit up. It's true.


$14.57 (hopefully made up of at least some Delaware quarters, you know the ones that say first state?)
A phone
A picture of a flag

Cooking Instructions:

Use your phone to call for the pizza. Wait and let it arrive, pay the delivery boy $14.57. Paste the picture of the flag on the box.
Optional: Tip the delivery boy, but only if he looks like he's from Delaware or is possibly the first of something.

The only problem with Delaware is that no other states can live up to us. It's hard to start a trend like "statehood" and have others not hate you for it.

A sweet treat

The Biden Ice Cream Sampler

Joe Biden, our nation's vice president and possibly the coolest person ever, comes from Delaware and have we got an american recipe inspired by him... The Biden Ice Cream Sampler!

Scoop of chocolate ice cream
Scoop of Vanilla ice cream
Scoop of Pecan ice cream
Two ice cream cones
One Joe Biden

Cooking Instructions:
Put the ice cream on the cones and then give them to Joe Biden. Watch as Biden consumes them better than you could.

Wait, what's that outsider? You don't have a Joe Biden like the recipe calls for? Well too bad, he's from Delaware... you'll have to come visit to get him... and also while you're here you should probably help stimulate our economy a little bit.

Breakfast, Delaware Style

Flag Waffle

Here in Delaware we have a saying, and it goes a little something like this:
"We are the first and therefore greatest state, and we invented patriotism."

So with that in mind we present all you lesser people the delaware breakfast!


Cooking Instructions:
Take the waffle and decorate the shit out of it with the fruits until it looks like the g-d American flag.

But wait, you don't know how to make a waffle? A waffle too hard for you to make without instructions? Too Bad. In Delaware it rains waffles.